is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
