I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
