we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
