shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
