You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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