Christians are straight up FREAKS
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
