He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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