Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
