i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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