Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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