so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You took a bar mat shot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
