Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
