I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
