My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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