Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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