Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
