Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
