I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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