its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
