My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
