The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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