I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's the barista slut.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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