u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
