If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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