just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
