you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
