She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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