look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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