I accidentally had phone sex last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you didnt know i had herpes?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
