just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
