It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
