Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
