No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
one might say we're banned from that church
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
