It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dicks are not precious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
