Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
