If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
