it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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