Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
