using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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