either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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