oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
