I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
