I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
