she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
