Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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