dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
only if we run a train.
done.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
