Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
