I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
