your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
