I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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